From the Book

Excerpts from The holy Quran for Educating the Child

Excerpt from chapter 2 - Husbands And Wives

How can we encourage husbands and wives to concede to one another?

وَإِن طَلَّقْتُمُوهُنَّ مِن قَبْلِ أَن تَمَسُّوهُنَّ وَقَدْ فَرَضْتُمْ لَهُنَّ فَرِيضَةً فَنِصْفُ مَا فَرَضْتُمْ إَلاَّ أَن يَعْفُونَ أَوْ يَعْفُوَ الَّذِي بِيَدِهِ عُقْدَةُ النِّكَاحِ وَأَن تَعْفُواْ أَقْرَبُ لِلتَّقْوَى وَلاَ تَنسَوُاْ الْفَضْلَ بَيْنَكُمْ إِنَّ اللّهَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ بَصِيرٌ

سورۃ البقرة, آيۃ 237

And if ye divorce them before consummation, but after the fixation of a dower for them, then the half of the dower (is due to them), unless they remit it or (the man’s half) is remitted by him in whose hands is the marriage tie; and the remission (of the man’s half) is the nearest to righteousness and do not forget liberality between yourselves. For Allah sees well all that ye do.

Surah 2, Verse 237

Rami and Rima have been married for eighteen months. They are in love, support one another and are generally acknowledged to be a perfect couple. But it seems that the Evil Eye has visited their home; their relationship, based on love and respect, has begun to collapse.. One day Rima went to visit Rami in his law office. When she opened the door, she was shocked to see Rami embracing his secretary. She fled, distressed and weeping. Rami followed and tried to explain but to no avail. Rima refused to listen, accused him of infidelity and demanded a divorce. Then she went home, packed her belongings and returned to her parents’ house.

Rami tried to talk to her and asked her to calm down and rethink the situation, because, he claimed, she was doing him an injustice. She had misunderstood the situation, he said. Rima asked him to leave her alone and swore she would never return to him because he was a liar and a cheat. Rami tried again in every possible way to appease her and to explain the incident but again in vain. She was deaf to his pleading and demanded only one thing – a divorce.

A month later, Rima was in the shopping center when she saw Rami’s secretary. The girl came over to her and asked for an opportunity to explain what had happened. She begged until finally Rima agreed to sit down in a café with her. The secretary told Rima that what she had seen was a comradely embrace, a hug of support and commiseration. “What do you mean, commiseration?” Rima asked. The secretary told her that on that same day, someone had telephoned to tell her that her best friend had been killed in an automobile accident while on a trip abroad.  When Rami saw her weeping, he hugged her in a gesture of comfort.

At first Rima did not believe the story but the secretary swore it was true and even supplied proof. Now Rima  regretted not having given Rami the opportunity to explain and didn’t know what to do. She knew she had insulted him and hurt his pride. Would he ever want to talk to her again?

Rima is a proud woman and it was not easy for her to admit her mistake and to apologize. She felt that to apologize was a sign of personal weakness and would enable others to exploit this fact against her. She did not know what to do. She thought about it all weekend and then consulted her mother for help in finding a solution. Her mother pondered and then replied: “Do not forget liberality between yourselves. For Allah sees well all that ye do.”    Rima understood the message and apologized to Rami for having done him an injustice. He found it hard to believe his ears, since he knew her well and was aware that she did not like apologizing. He forgave her and she has not told him to this day  what impelled her to change her attitude.

people do not like to concede and prefer to be the winners in any situation. They are reluctant to apologize since to do so hurts their pride and undermines their conviction of being in the right. But without concessions and forgiveness there can be no family life and no orderly society, because nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. The Quran says: "the remission.... is the nearest to righteousness" and lauds concession. Give in, remit, says the Quran, because not in every case is one party entirely right and the other wrong; only concession, yielding, enables life to continue smoothly. When you give up your pride, Rima's mother was saying to her, you are doing something great. We know that only those who are truly strong can give in.

That Quran verse saved Rami and Rima' marriage.